I feel so depressed.How do you think of my kayak coach and my parents?
I am a 23-year-old gay man. I study an undergarduate course in Australia. Now I am taking a study break until Feb 2009.I am at Hong Kong, my home town now.Yesterday I took a kayak exam in the sea.During exam,no one allowed to wear glasses.When it’s my turn,I asked my classmate if he can take care of my glasses for a while.He said no problem.After exam,my classmate says he had dropped my glasses into the sea.I said I requested for a compensation.My classmate said he wouldn’t comensate for the glasses.The coach said,"If I drop your glasses into the sea, I wouldn’t compensate for yours as well. So is your classmate.Since your classmate doesn’t lose your glasses on purpose, he’s not responsible for that." The coach said,"If I lose all the 8 classmates belongings, does it mean I need to make compensation to all of you?If yes,I don’t need to work as a coach!" Then I said it’s unreasonable. I quarrel with the coach and the classmate until the class ended. I keep on demanding the compensation. Back home, I talked about what happened with my family.
Today, it’s my another kayak exam. I went to there as usual. As I reach the watersports centre,I found my dad unexpectedly.He said he had secretly followed me to the watersports centre.As soon as he saw to coach,he came up to her and chatted.I said" Dad,I am the victim, not you. Can you please let me bargain with the coach and classmate? I am 23 already."My dad refused and shouted at me" Go away,son.Get out of my sight until I finished talking with your classmate and coach.It’s not your business".He roared and everyone was looking at me and dad.My coach said" Keep away from me and your dad.We need a private chat." I said," Why can’t I listen about the bargain of compensation?I am the victim of the accident ?"Then asked me to shut up together.After 30 mins, my dad came up to me and said"We’ve made an agreement to compensate half of the eye-glasses price ($HK 400) to you.We’ve signed all the documents."
Back home, my mom critisized me for not cooperating and obeying with my dad.She said " Let dad do what he wants.He is your dad even though you are 23 already. You are so stupid that you make your dad angry."
How do you think of my dad and my coach? Bullying?
How do you think of my Chinese parents? Also the female kayak coach?
Am I normal to feel sad because of that?
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June 29th, 2010 at 5:01 am
Sad is one way to feel about it. I would be embarrassed while it happened and then when it was over, I would have laughed. The whole situation is ridiculous. If anything I think that you should be a little peeved that your dad followed you to your lesson. He should have told you what he was doing instead of going behind your back. Your mother sounds like she has adopted the mindset that it is best to let your dad do his thing and then deal with the consequences. Your dad seems a little over protective, possibly condescending. Your Kayak instructor seems to have the opinion that shit happens and that we should not be going after each other over accidents. I wonder if she would be so forgiving if you dropped her keys in the sea? After all your classmate accepted responsibility for your glasses. That was his choice and he needs to take responsibility for his actions. Hm, whatever. Laugh it all off. This is not worth dwelling over.
June 29th, 2010 at 5:01 am
Be a man!!
If someone does you wrong… tell them off… otherwise it will build up and you will take it out on someone you love.
Of course you are in the right, but is he going to pay? and how willing are you to pursue it….
and with your dad… sometimes teachers dont take you seriously, but as they are not your dads teacher they have to talk to him like a person not a student, so he would have a better chance then you to get something done.
As your mum said "let him do what he wants"…. … he cant do "whatever" he wants… that sucks, id hate to have my parents say that to me.
June 29th, 2010 at 5:01 am
I am not sure of customs in China but here in Australia and in my opinion I would say your father should not have interfered. It is not his problem, they were your glasses and your responsibility.
Even if you could not get some payment from the other student you could probably have gotten some from insurance.
Still it really is up to you how you deal with it …so long as it would not be your parents paying for the replacement. If they are paying then he does have a right. OK.
Next, don’t feel depressed, yes is sad but don’t make your whole life miserable. You are studying here in Australia, your are your own person, let it go, your parents are probably a little old fashioned.
June 29th, 2010 at 5:01 am
Ye i would of been hell embarassed if my parents did something like that and i think personally they sound over controlling but thats just me and ive been brought up in Aus so i guess very different cultures as you are obviously aware.
June 29th, 2010 at 5:01 am
you need to be released from your fathers authority. until you prove to him you are your own man it won’t happen. So tell him that, tell him ur not gonna take his crap anymore and then go back to Australia. Eventually he should realise that you are your own person and everything should be fine. if he doesnt realise well im sorry but no offence, he is a control freak. but you should live your life and not let your dad live it for you.
btw australia rocks so stay there lol.
June 29th, 2010 at 5:01 am
I actually find this question interesting, as it is not done this way in my culture. I respect what happened to you. We would usually argue that if there was no intent to drop the glasses into the water by an individual, you shake hands and accept your losses. If it was done with intent, then you sue the living daylight out of them.
Anyway, your dad should not have meddled in your business. Tell him that you will ask for help if needed. I am even a bit older than you, but in some situations, I still ask my dad for help as he is a lawyer and gets things done. LOL
Other than that he knows only to interfere when asked for. I think you should have an open conversation with your dad about the issue.
Also, I was wondering if your dad paid for the glasses. In that case maybe it is why he thought it fit to interfere? If it was your own money, he had absolutely no right!
June 29th, 2010 at 5:01 am
your 23 right? stand up for yourself you shouldnt take that shit from your parents or any other coaches and there are laws to say that they have to compensate for your glasses…if you went to the police they wouldnt do anything but they would have sent you to people that deal with those cases and you could have gotten more money because of them refusing to pay…but its too late now….well actually did you sign the forms because if you didnt then its not too late